February 14, 2013
There is a line that I have used throughout my marriage to Kari. I used it on our wedding day (not in our vows, I’m not that bad), I use it on our anniversary (sometimes), and I use it often when it comes to Valentine’s Day.
“It’s just another day.”
The initial impact of those words may sound like a blunt instrument smashing any hope for intimacy. An unemotional human-like object may connect to the phrase hearing what sounds like an escape from having to expose true feelings. But hold on, that’s not what I meant when I said it the first time, nor is it what I mean today, 20 plus years later, as I’m looking into next week’s calendar. The 14th of February, I believe should be “just another day” for everyone. The same applies to any anniversary in my view.
Because a February 15th, 16th, 28th, or 32nd should be the same as if it were the 14th. Somehow we have turned our relationships into something that we slog through everyday. It’s more chore than cherish, more sameness than sizzle. My chocolate covered rant isn’t just about the fact that I don’t like those weird chalky candy hearts, or flashbacks to distributing cheeky cards to girls that intimidated me in elementary school. It’s about the idea that one day, just one simple ordinary day has been hijacked and held hostage. It’s a moment pulled from the calendar and held against the will of many couples, men mostly – albeit there are many that go along with the ritual. My point is this: the moment to celebrate is everyday not just one day. I should do something to express my true feelings for Kari everyday. I should demonstrate that feeling of gratitude, respect, and admiration everyday through the most non-sexy of acts: cleaning out the dishwasher, picking up the kitchen, lowering the toilet seat, listening to her.
Now, those things may not excite you, but taking the long-view, they may be some of the best ways you can communicate true love.
Flowers aren’t bad either – on February 20 they’re even better.
So, in light of this singular, obligatory moment where we all head off to some predictable restaurant, ordering the predictable bouquet and signing the predictable sentiment on a predictable card, I am offering you something else.
A conversation with your spouse. And here’s some help.
Sign up for my newsletter and I’d like to give you my new ebook, “Cups & Glasses” for FREE for a limited time. It is the shortest book in the world on the biggest subject we face: our relationships. It’s a true story you can read while you’re waiting at the drive-through at Starbucks, or riding home from work. But, it may just be a few words of encouragement that can get your marriage off of the 14th and onto the 15th. Click on the cover to download your FREE copy. If you like it, pin it, share it, pass it along or forward this email to them.
Happy Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’s not that bad of a day after all.